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Dating a Widower: Starting a Relationship with a Man Who's Starting Over, by Abel Keogh
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Are you thinking about dating a widower? Your new relationship will have unique challenges you won’t find when dating single or divorced men. For it to work, the widower will have to put his feelings for his late wife to the side and focus on you. But how do you know if he’s ready to take this step?
Drawing on his own experience as a widower who’s remarried, Abel Keogh gives you unique insight into the hearts and minds of widowers, including:
- How to tell if a widower’s ready to make room in his heart for you
- Red flags that may indicate he’s not ready for commitment
- How to handle family and friends who aren’t supportive of the widower’s new relationship
- Tips for dealing with holidays and other special occasions
Dating a Widower is your 101 guide to having a relationship with a man who’s starting over. It also contains over a dozen real life stories from women who have gone down the same road you’re traveling. It’s the perfect book to help you decide if the man you’re seeing is ready for a new relationship—and whether or not dating a widower is right for you.
- Sales Rank: #366863 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Ben Lomond Press
- Published on: 2011-08-22
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .28" w x 5.25" l, .30 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 124 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Most helpful customer reviews
33 of 33 people found the following review helpful.
Widower's Thoughts
By "Fly" Wheel
I was prompted to buy this book after a heated debate with my late wife's sister about me starting to date. She swears that I am not ready for a relationship with a woman and maybe she is right, but I wanted to find out for myself. When searching for a book to help me decide I found this one and even though it was writen for women dating a widower, I wanted to know what I needed to do to prepare to start a relationship.
The day I recieved this book was a difficult one, work being exhausting, extending family demanding quality time with my boys, and coming home to medical bills from my wife's last moments on earth. I opened Keogh's book with a hope to relate with his own personal loss and to learn from his experiences. At 2 am the next morning I finished the book with a new look on life and an understanding of what I needed to do to move on and live my life. This book confirmed that I am not ready to date and gave me a guide to getting to the point where I will be.
The next morning I went through my house packing up her clothes, shoes, and purses to take to Goodwill. All her make-up and personal items are next, followed by her pictures on every wall, I will be leaving one picture of her with the boys and I.
This book was perfect for me provoking alot of thought and desire for change. Well done Abel Keogh.
37 of 39 people found the following review helpful.
A decent starting place, but....
By Chriis Evans
This book is a decent place to start, but I wouldn't make it my only stop in looking for information about the unique aspects of dating (or marrying) a widower. When looking at the various books/discussion groups on this subject, there seem to be two schools of thought when it comes to warnings about possible situations and particular widower behavior that would indicate he isn't ready for a relationship. One, which I feel is leaned towards heavily in this book, advocates that there are signs that mean a woman should immediately get out of the relationship because if a few of those signs are present there isn't likely hope this man is ready to have a relationship. I think the author's message is interpreted by readers as black and white, because he doesn't remind readers that that widowers, like all grievers, have their own unique roads of grief and that it is indeed a journey that will evolve for him over time, and he may be well on his way to being ready for a relationship. And in my opinion, what might be a warning sign in one widower might not be in another -- it depends upon many factors. Admittedly its a difficult thing to give women a formula for deciding "Is he ready or not?", but this author tries to do that and fails to acknowledge that with relationships, we all come with baggage, we all are in the middle of various journeys, and that a relationship are a dynamically evolving thing, which may in fact mean that it's OK to walk part of the widower's grief journey with him. Then if he isn't showing signs of moving forward, if it's not a healthy relationship, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate. But an up or down vote in a particular moment in time by comparing a widower's perceived state of being to a list of 5 possible warning signs simplifies a situation that really can't be that simplified.
The other school of thought out there (see book PAST: PERFECT! PRESENT: TENSE!: Insights From One Woman's Journey As The Wife Of A Widower) advocates both letting the journey and path of the widower and his timing guide the relationship as he is the one in the greatest state of need at the time, but at the same time making healthy decisions about what's good for her heart as well. It's a far less black and white approach, and therefore more complicated and easier to shoot holes in. It's critics say it's lining the woman up to be a doormat. It's advocates say its the approach of compassion balanced with self-care and self-respect.
My opinion is that if you fail to read both schools of thought, you are doing yourself a disservice.
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
I feel his views are pretty biased to his experience
By TF
I am a psychotherapist who is dating a widower. I found Keogh’s book helpful in some ways, but I think his view on whether or not a widower is ready to date is unreasonably rigid. I did some quick research on Keogh, and found no credentials in counseling or human behavior (however, he is a trained and skilled marketer). Therefore, I feel his views are pretty biased to his experience, as well as those of the women who told their stories in his book. Losing a spouse after decades of marriage is not something a person gets over. That loss becomes a part of them as it is a serious traumatic event. It’s like saying that a bereaved parent has to complete their grief before they can love another child. It’s simply not true. Widowers/Widows need to be able to remember their life with their deceased spouse. Things that you do together will sometimes remind the widower/widow of times they spent with their deceased spouse. They may experience grief during those times. As time goes on, you’ll make new memories with them. I agree with Keogh in that widowers need to be making progress, but they do not have to complete their grief in order to have a happy, successful relationship with another person. The man I am dating was married for 20 years and is a single father to two minor children. He treats me like I’m special, but he still has some grief work to do (not with me). I have no regrets about entering this relationship. It may or may not work out, but there are no guarantees in any relationship you start. I do know that vulnerability, not rigid ideals, is what makes a relationship meaningful. Losing a life partner can become a handicap for anyone. However, as with all handicaps, a person can learn to live well with them. You get to decide if you are willing to love someone despite their handicap(s). Again, I found this book helpful, but I suggest that you temper the warning signs with your own good judgment.
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